I usually don’t post about anything to personal in this blog, however I just had some things on my heart that I felt would be easier for me to release if I was able to type my thoughts out. This was a very rough semester for me, and I don’t mean that in the sense that my whole life was crumbling a part, but it was definitely a time for some self-reflection. This semester I was only enrolled in 13 hours and yet, it was still one of my hardest semester. I started working this semester, which has been an adjustment, because I am trying to save up money for my study abroad trip this summer, so I have been covering quite a few shifts. I got overly involved, so much so I constantly found myself exhausted, and struggling to find time to do school work. That is a huge problem, I am a college student first, and I should never have to find time for school, school should always be my number one priority. I will not be engaging in any new extracurriculars next semester that I am not currently involved in. My grades suffered a bit this semester, and for the first time in a while I felt like an utter failure. I would study harder and longer then a lot of my friends for a class, yet continually do worse on them for every test. It is very frustrating when you know that you understand something, but you struggle to demonstrate that mastery when it matters. Classes that I usually make A’s in were B’s this semester, and I felt like no matter how hard I was trying, it was never good enough. Sometimes college can be a very challenging mental and emotional game, and it’s disheartening when you feel like you aren’t good or smart enough. I began to question my major, my future aspirations, and myself this semester because I felt like I was failing. I recognize that sometimes things get difficult, and I am really trying to use all these negatives as positives, and I am challenging myself to make a 4.0 next semester and to do better. Yes, I hate disappointing my family, and people who believed in me, but most importantly I hate not living up to my own expectations. So, for anyone who is struggling academically and personally, know that I am here with you, and we haven’t lost the battle yet, we just need regain the reigns. Fortunately, I have taken my last Calculus class this semester, which has been a problem area for me since i started college. I am going to use this break to regroup, refocus, and come back stronger than ever. Now that I have put some of these feelings down, I hope I can be set free of them and focus on moving forward.
We can all do it y’all, we just have to keep pushing and not give up. Happy Holidays, and may your 2017 be filled with your aspirations and achievements.